In Defense of Olive

Neither work, nor flu, nor a ridiculous trek will keep me from posting (for more than a week). I totally concur that the ending is hopeful. It seems to me that there is a recurring theme about the tug of war between despair/suicide and hope/reinvention. You can see that in the Piano Player, Starving, Incoming Tide, Basket of Trips, Olive needing to decide whether or not to plant the tulips in Tulips...I feel like it comes up in almost every story. Many of the characters are faced with making a decision about who they want to be...if they will succumb to the path that was laid before them or try to reinvent themselves - at least enough to be happier. Olive seems to decide to make a new life for herself in the final story.

I've realized as we've started to talk that I feel a little protective of Olive. I think she has good intentions but isn't aware of how other people perceive her actions. And the author seems ambivalent about whether she would be better off with greater awareness. In A Little Burst, A Different Road, and Security, increased awareness of how she is seen by Suzanne, Henry, and Christopher seems to only cause her pain. Certainly Suzanne doesn't come off well in A Little Burst and I kind of wanted to sock Christopher by the end of Security. I may be reacting to being out here in the land of indirect passive aggressivity a bit too long but how do you get to 40 or how ever old Christopher is hanging on to all of that stuff about your mother and then just dump it on her all at once when she's trapped as your guest in your house? It just seemed cruel. If you let four decades go by without ever cluing your mother in to how her behavior makes you feel shouldn't you let it go at that point? Change your expectations? It doesn't seem fair to blindside her that way. I thought his behavior on the phone and in person towards Olive once Henry is in the nursing home was awful. Like it was too big an imposition to express the least bit of concern for her.

To go into full geek-mode, I started thinking about Sartre's No Exit while reading this - the whole "hell is other people" thing. You can't control how others see you yet you can be deeply hurt by another's perception of you. But I would add to that - when you are seen and appreciated for who you truly are or maybe more accurately, seen as the person you are trying to be, it's hard not to fall for the person who sees you that way. Olive says after meeting Jim O'Casey that she had been seen. "And she had not even known she'd felt invisible."

In contrast to Olive's obtuseness with how others see her, I actually think she shows some real insight with regard to others. I do think she got in Kevin's car to help him. Not that she knew exactly what he wanted to do but I think she had some intuition about the frame of mind of a young man who lost his mother the way he did now loitering in a parking lot in his hometown where he hasn't been seen for more than a decade. And I was so touched by her response to Nina, the girl with anorexia, and the empathy she showed her so effortlessly. And her annoyance with the daughter-in-law's expectation that Olive should have expected that Nina would die from her disease. Fundamentally, I think Olive is someone who hopes and doesn't want to be told that she shouldn't.

What do you think the author is trying to say about "settling?" On one hand, she seems to be urging her characters towards reinvention and happiness. But on the other hand, she seems to be encouraging avoiding being alone above almost everything else. Olive and Henry stay together despite Denise and Jim and everything else. Jane and Bob seem to make the same decision in Winter Concert. Olive and Jack are together despite not being people they would have chosen earlier in life.

Thoughts on Harmon and Bonnie, their kids, and Daisy? And Christopher's new wife Ann - what do you think about her?

Word for Word's Olive Kitteridge Trailer

Olive and Henry

Sarah asked: What is it about Olive that Henry loves? Or does that miss the point - he loves her without loving much about her?


This is one aspect of this book that I can't stop thinking about.  I'm not sure why Henry loved Olive, but I was heartbroken when, after the incident in the hospital, it was written that words that were spoken by both of them changed their relationship forever.  Here is a man who loves a fairly unlovable woman for years and years without much in return.  (or so it seems.)  And then, so late in life, things are spoken that destroy all of that.  And yet, and yet!  Olive is incredibly dedicated to Henry when he's in the nursing home.  That dedication is not something I would have expected from her.  I really felt the push and pull of "things changed forever" and "some things never change."  It was like Olive became Henry once he was "gone" but still alive --- all of a sudden Olive is the one who doesn't let negativity get to her.  She's positive she can hear him.  She's sure she makes a positive addition to his "life."


Which brings me to the ending.  When I finished I thought, "well that was weird."  I didn't understand what that new relationship was all about.  Then, while discussing it with a friends she asked, "Do you think it was an opportunity for change and hope for Olive?"  Hmmm....and then I started looking over notes I made while reading.  (okay, let's agree to ignore that geekiness, yes?)


Remember the story about the piano player?  She was the other woman for a long, long time then one night she decides to end that relationship.  The theme of that story was summed up with this: "Angie...felt she had figured something out too late, and that must be the way of life, to get something figured out when it was too late."  And it hit me!  That's Olive at the end!!!  I still don't know what that means for Olive and the man she met on the running path, but at least it explains Olive to me a bit more.

Done! Random thoughts...

I finished this weekend, thanks to a weekend away at a hotel during which I was sick and let the kids watch TV all afternoon. Oh, well... Anyway, I liked it because it made me think. About my life, and the lives of people around me. How we affect other people without even meaning to. She was a grouchy old lady who didn't really mean to help anyone, but she saved the life of that guy contemplating suicide, and she was a part of that anorexic girl getting help. I found that really interesting. When I thought of her, I totally pictured Mrs Woods , 9th grade English. Bill Hubbard used to call her Ms. Dubya. Remember her? That's the image I got.
The relationship with her son struck me as well. Perhaps because I have two of them. If I had just had one, would I have developed that kind of smothering relationship with Todd? Hopefully not, but who knows? It makes me want to evaluate how I speak to them and treat them.When I lose my patience and yell, I know I do damage. I don't want them to remember me that way. She thought she was just loving him intensely in her own way, but her behavior totally pushed him away. The "capriciousness of her moods"... was that the term?
It also made me think of my relationship with Matt. 7 years in, I still love him, but the daily grind and raising two boys takes a toll. I want to make sure I'm still appreciating him and not taking him for granted the way Olive did with Henry. It takes a lot of work and I can see how after so many years, Olive and Henry ended up the way they did. I want more than that, and I want to make sure we take time for each other so that we can stay connected.
This book was just really real to me. The struggles that people go through in their relationships...depicted so vividly. Life is short. I want to live it to the fullest and treat people well, so that when I get to be Olive's age, I won't look back and regret the way she did. The moments she squandered with Henry, the way she treated her son.
Just some random thoughts...happy to discuss more. I have to finish Eat Pray Love and thenI'm ready for the next one. Got two more suggestions this weekend: The Forgotten Garden and The Help.

First Impressions

I admit, girls, I did not love Olive.  I don't mean the character, though I didn't really love her either, but I mean the book as a whole.  But I thought to myself maybe the reader's guide in the back of this paperback will make me think more about the over-arching themes that I'm just not seeing.  And instead there was this weird interview with the author AND with Olive.  Ugh.  Not so much.

So I challenge you two: explain to me what the big appeal is.  I've had multiple friends tell me they really liked it.  What's the deal?

Getting there...

I'm 2/3 of the way through. Just renewed it, so goal is to be done in 2 weeks so I can return it. How are you girls doing? Saw a review in Newsweek of a book we might read next - Room by Emma Donoghue. Heard of it? Sounds interesting...

I'm in...

The book came in to the library and I'm getting into it! I'm loving the format. It's like Crash in reverse...we know that she's the link between these people, but I'm curious to see if they all connect at the end, or if it's just a series of stories which all happen to involve Olive. Either way, it's an interesting read so far. I'm about 60 pages in. I think I can have it done by the end of the month if you want to aim for that. I have a feeling you two will read it in one sitting, but my reading occurs in short bursts:)